my ranting day

• verified lost office i.d., my one and only i.d.
• talked to the meanest guard in the office, "As if you're big help, Sir. Hurry up coz Im gonna be late!" *******
• accidentally spilled coffee on my coat and pants, arggghhhh
• my skin allergies is attacking again, the itch that rashes
• stupid people roaming around the earth surface, can't they just be exiled to Mars?
• sales target increased, with pizza as the price? come on! our sales manager can do better than that, wth?
• missing old buddies, "i think of all the friends i've known but when i dialed the telephone, nobody's home..."
• i noticed lately that my tolerance for being irate is getting lower, lower and lower
• shifting to a new sked, guess what? new shift starts at 3am... anything worse than that? i've been in a night shift for a year! give me a break, dude. what are shift bids for? you're kidding me.

his farewell

Yesterday, Uncle Priest and Stefano came back to Australia after a one-month vacation. I came in the airport with them straightly after work, so I had my more than 36 hours awake time again! At first, I was reluctant to join them, "Maghahatid lang naman", I thought. But guilt feeling won, it's only for that day anyway, right?

So, I made my way to North Edsa only to be picked up, because they will be coming from Bulacan. I waited for more than 2 hours, wandering in Edsa and in the mall. I was so sleepy and tired that I wanna go home and just forget about going to NAIA. But then again, minsan lang naman...

Fortunately, they did not prolong my agony of waiting for them. They arrived and I squeezed in the van together with my other cousins and Aunties. Going further, we met Uncle Priest in Centennial Terminal 2, NAIA. Together with my Mom, they were on the other van, 30 minutes later after we arrived and parked. It was past six in the evening, their flight was at eight! Hey, I think guys, you better hurry if you don't wanna ride on the next plane.

Alright, and there it went...crying moments...

They went inside the lobby and checked in with no sign of dysphoria. We waited outside, kept on waving our hands everytime Stefano managed to turn his back at us, everytime there was a clear window that seperates us from the area where we cannot go in anymore. And then they called on the phone, as if wanting to get over with the local credits they have left. We were in the speaker phone and started to bid goodbyes. I saw them in the other end of the clear window, Stefano still waving at us; Uncle Priest, holding his nephew and the hand-carry bag.

Uncle Priest was on the line, looking for me. I stepped closer in the phone, was ready to wish him a very sound journey back to Aussie. And then he started to bless me and my family. Tears streamed down my cheek, he asked me to take care of my other siblings and stay strong for my family. And please give me the right not to go on details anymore..

Suddenly, I felt more responsible for everything after that. With no dad, with 3 younger siblings, with Mom; it seems my task is unbearable and yet, bitter sweet.

I don't know how to express my confused heart, my mixed feelings, my hopeless mind..

his farewell was unexpected, so sudden
left a little stronger mask on my face
my heart was bound to set me weaker
confuses my well being, end my sanity.

did you even say, you're leaving?
just because you're tired
doesn't mean i have to weep
and be isolated with dreams.

walking away and running away
he was not given a chance to stay
not even for a little longer
until i can have my wounds healed?

can i have my eyes forever shut?
to join you in the bliss you have now?
will i leave the way you did?
without a warning, just fading away?

im still walking towards your path
i can never be you, so kind and right
why do you have to leave me?
with the cruel world waiting to kill me.

Adik ka rin ba?

"adik"

naging expression ko na ang salitang nakasulat sa taas. kung bakit, di ko alam.

paano mo nga ba masasabing adik ang isang tao? kasama ba dito yung mga mukhang adik na kulay pula ang mata, humpak ang pisngi kasama ang mga tambay na iniisip mong adik sa lugar nyo? siguro, nagbibilang ka na rin ng mga kakilala mong inaakala mong adik at alam mo na talagang adik.

sa totoo lang, maraming klase ng adik sa mundo. hindi lang sila yung mga gumagamit ng pinagbabawal na gamot sa kanta ni Willie Garte. hindi lang din sila yung mga pinatapon sa loob ng rehabilitation center sa labas at loob ng bansa. pag mahirap ka, malamang di kaya ng pamilya mong ipasok ka pa sa center pero kung ikukulong ka lang din naman, asahan mo sa malayo at tagong lugar ka mapadpad, siguro sa probinsya, yung malayo sa kabihasnan. pero kung nabibilang ka sa mga high profile ng lipunan, malamang sa ibang bansa ka mapunta.

sino ba ang totoong adik? sila bang mga tumatakas sa problemang akala nila wala nang lusot? yung tipong, naglalakad ka lang tapos biglang, opppppssss... dead end. sorry ka na lang, dude. gusto mong tumakas, tumakbo, magtago? maging adik ka at sumama sa piling ng mga anghel, kung saan akala mo dadalhin ka sa langit na pinapangarap mo.

akala mo, okay na lahat. akala mo, wala na, tapos na.

oo nga, akala mo lang yun, ang di mo alam, mas maraming problema ang naghihintay sa yo pagbalik mo sa impyernong pilit mong tinatakasan.. mas nag-aapoy, mas nagliliyab...

kahit ano pa man yang kinaka-adikan mo ngayon (lahat ng bagay na ginagawa mo upang iwanan ang tadhana at mundong mapaglaro), di ka nag-iisa.

kasi adik din ako.. adik sa pagtakbo.. sa pagtakas..

adik sa kung anu-anong mga bagay, tulad na lang nitong blog ko.. adik sa musika, adik sa laro, adik sa net at telepono, adik sa gala.. adik sa mga bagay para lang di maisip ang sitwasyong sumisira sa pagkatao ko, sa paniniwala ko, sa responsibilidad ko.

saan mo dadalhin ang mga katulad ko?

ang mga katulad kong naliligaw, mga katulad kong malapit nang mapugot ang hibla ng pag-asa? mga katulad kong di alam kung may kinabukasan pang aabutan..

may rehabilitation center ba kong matatakbuhan? may batas ba at hustisyang magtutuwid sa pagtakas at ka-adikan kong ginawa? ano ang kapalit? nasirang buhay?

mababaw..

mababaw and dahilan,

walang kasing babaw ang problema,

pero akala ko, katapusan na, nagkamali ako nang akala.

sa bandang huli, ako rin ang tumapos sa nalalabi kong hininga.

Miss, gising na..

i think im losing my mind..

Going to work from Bulacan to Alabang, back and forth, takes me 4-5 hours every time I have work. So, why need to suffer when I can have my place near work? Maybe, Im really losing my mind...

Going further, on my way to the office and back, almost lahat na ng klase ng tao nakasalamuha ko. Magmula sa pagsakay ng jeep sa kanto namin, hanggang fx/van papuntang Cubao at bus papuntang Alabang, isama mo na rin ang minsanang pagsakay sa MRT pag umaabot ako; sa dis-oras ng gabi, I need to make myself and my belongings safe.

Earlier, on my way to the office, another unexpected thing happened. I was sitting waiting for another van to come in Bocaue tollgate, when a man in his early twenties sat beside me.

A lady asked, "Magkano pamasahe hanggang Cubao?"
and he answered, "40 pesos".

The van came, we all went inside and paid our fares. I slept...

"Miss, gising na, Cubao na", I heard from my left side.
"Thanks...", sabi ko na medyo inaantok pa.

Bumaba na ko ng van, nahuli pa yata yung driver ng sinakyan namin kasi may pulis na pinara yung driver. Nandun ako sa gilid ng Cubao, nag-aabang ng bus papuntang Alabang.

"Miss, saan ka?" tanong nung lalaking gumising sa akin.
"Sa Alabang".
"Ah, sa Alabang ka pala, akala ko kanina lumampas ka na",
"Oo nga eh, nakatulog kasi ako", nahihiyang sagot ko.
"San ka ba nagwo-work?", tanong nya ulit.
"Sa Alabang", ang tipid kong sumagot, naisip ko. "Ikaw, saan ka?"
"Sa Ayala, pupunta ako sa friend ko", sabi nya.
"Ah ok", nakakita ako ng bus paputang Ayala, "Ei pwede ka nang sumakay, papuntang Ayala yan", sabay turo sa bus.
"Sabay na lang ako sa yo"
Ano daw? "Ah ok..."
"Anong pangalan mo?", tanong nya ulit.
"Niña."
"Im King", extending his hand for a shake.

May nakikita akong bus na parating, Pacita ang signboard. Pwede na kong sumakay, naisip ko, sabay para nung bus..sumakay kaming pareho..

"Saan kayo?"
"Isang Alabang at saka isang Ayala", sagot nya sa tanong nung kundoktor sabay abot ng bayad.

Teka, binayad nya ko. Bakit? Naglabas ako ng pera, binigay ko sa kanya yung P50 pero di nya tinanggap.

"Ok lang, ako na bahala."
"Hindi, kunin mo yung bayad ko", pilit ko.
"Wag na, ok lang yun."
"Thank you."

Tinanong nya kung ilang taon na ko, saan ako nag-aral, ano yung course ko, saan yung work ko. Nagkwento din sya, siguro nakahalata sya na tanong-sagot lang yung conversation namin. Sya puro tanong, ako puro sagot. As if Im not interested or wanna get rid of him. Nilabas nya yung phone nya nung nasa Buendia na kami. I had an idea that he's gonna ask for my number pero ayokong mag-maganda...

"Can I have your number, you know, for future references"

Sabi ko na eh.

"Sure."

Sabay bigay ng wrong number. Before he got off the bus, I said thanks again..

"Ingat ka", paalam nya.
"Ikaw rin."

Surf...bum...surf...bum...

Im bored..

Guess what? I need to fix a lot of things but check what Im doing, Im surfing till dawn!

Answered a couple of information and knew how much Im worth:

I am worth $1,257,960 on HumanForSale.com

And check out the other blog I have: watalyrics.blogspot.com

I wonder what this year will bring me...

Wake me up when 2006 ends...please lang.

Until the last drop

Lighting another cigarette, it was her 7th or 8th
Listening to cynical songs, she was still drowned
Hard core of remoteness engulfed her being
One touch in her tanned skin, she might melt.

Will the stars show their brightness tonight?
The query made her numb, made her heart pound
She never used to lonely cold nights until..
Until firewordks died, until the sky fell in her naked eyes.

Would she let the knight dominate her?
The steel bars she made, gone with fire banished
Self-contained, she did not make the proud surrender
To that killing charmed, to that unrelenting sensuality.

Suddenly, she let the last drop of water shed
False compliments turned into a war, a rebellion
Nirvana was almost at hand, lost in the battle
All vulneribility reversed to undying vendetta, a warning.

How dare the world still crash to time flies?
How can broken fruits still manage to be rotten?
Where all living forms wish to exile at hand
At a distance, there was a party, laughter died.

Lighting the last cigarette, she felt stunned
Crazy creatures continued the errands, they cried
Slowly, she closed her eyes wishing death would take her
Take her out of the damned wellness, where no hope left.

another weekend past

How can you even say you do have a life when most of your naughty friends are having their weekend night life somewhere far from where you are. Let's say, in the office, or in the arms of someone you love. Sometimes, in order for us to have something, we must pay it with something as well. Everthing has a price, even love? Yeah, sad but true. Love has sacrifice.

I was thinking how many sacrifices I did in my entire 22 years. I cannot count, maybe because that is not important anymore. Lots of times, I cried. Most of the time, I was just being too sensitive and emotional and I hate myself for it. Simply because, it makes me look so weak and fragile. Such a crybaby, Kuya George will always tell me.

So, how's my weekend? Just one of the ordinary days I have, spent most of my time sleeping and doing nothing. God, how productive I am..

My Sweet Serenity

Is serenity just a plain state of mind?

Why do most of the people look for that tranquil condition of mind and heart? Why do we seek for calmess, for peace? Is that we are made of?

Yeah, talk about finding sweet serenity...

High by The Speaks

Will it ever be
I tried so hard to find sweet serenity
Are you still afraid
Just close your eyes and dream
The feeling fade away

Chorus:
Time wont flow everyone knows
When the pain fades away
Dreams wont die tears in our eyes
You've got to hold your head up high...
Yeah... yeah...yeah...
Hold your head up high

Its taken some time
And I've given off the will to change your state of mind
Im trying to understand
Its not so hard to see that I am just a man

(Repeat Chorus)

So will it ever be
I've tried so hard to find sweet serenity
Im trying to understand
Its not so hard to see that I am just a man

(Repeat Chorus)

Welcome 2006

First week of the new year was over. I haven't had any listings for "My Own New Year's Resolution", for I thought it was just another "in" thing just because its new year.. But I think, for self-improvement, I have to, not because its new year (palusot...hehe)

Alright, first of all, I have to make some decisions regarding the career path I wanna take. Im taking the responsibilty now for always banking from work last year, a 15-day suspension and a final warning memo has been served! Yeah right...

About lovelife, it's getting complicated, don't ask me why. I'd rather keep this side of my life personal as of the moment. But hey, Im close to loosing my head on how to introduce this new guy to my family and friends. It's not because, he's not worth it, but because I was about to marry someone else! Talk about two-timing?! I do not wanna count mysef in. And so, Im taking my chance on being firm.

About my social life, its alright. Although, it's a little bit emotional everytime I think of my friends who were away. I can't stand the fact that SC friends are slowly drifting apart from each other distantly. Cathy just went to Dubai, Jan has plans in following her as well. Me? plans of going to Aussie and just arrange papers with Tita Lucy and Tita Charry.

Family, getting closer and better everyday. There are a lot of times, I wanna give up on my life but they are there for me to finally stand on my feet from the ground and still walk, should I say, crawl? I wanna give everything but I guess I have to save something for myself.

Again, this is not a New Year's Resolution list but rather the things I need to attend to and work on. And so, my list would be simple, I hope.

• find a new job nearer to my place
• get the passport and the visa moving
• get the diploma and annual from UP
• update the blog for the clan and mine as well
• travel at least every other month, out of town
• be more patient and responsible
• stick to one
• save and start a small business
• buy a digital camera
• keep in touch with friends and family

Kung paano ko gagawin lahat yan, di ko alam.. Deadline? di ko rin alam, ang importante, magsimula na ko ng panibagong yugto ng aking buhay.. Hay buhay.

Another tag game from flamez

Rules:

• The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover.
  
• Need to mention the sex of the target.
  
• Tag 8 victims to join this game & leave a comment on their Comments saying they've been tagged.
  
• If tagged the 2nd time, theres no need to post again.

Target: MALE Species

***8 different points***

• physically - tan in color, medium in height, has a sweet smile, lovely eyes and kissable lips
• emotionally - balance, someone who is strong enough to face any challenges but with a soft heart that melts for me
• psychologically - not ill
• spiritually - someone who believes in God and marriage
• mentally - street smart, good conversationalist, open-minded
• financially - stable and responsible
• socially - friendly and loving
• others - sweet, thoughtful, understanding, loves to travel and loves to love me

Im tagging van, des, larry, ryan, jenny, chang, nathan and cathet.