i dont know what im saying...

i dont know what to write about... i just wanna update my blog. maybe, if i will start to write about anything and care less, i can come up with an effective way on how to exactly convey what i really feel right now.

to start with, im sleepy. i got up earlier this day than i was supposed to. i got the local NBI Clearance and headed off to work right after a cold shower and a light lunch. during the training, i cannot help myself but smile and laugh at the crazy stuffs my "support group" was doing. we call it a "support group" simply beacuse we were sharing knowledge, having fun at the same time and getting to know our collegues in a more personal point. i am enjoying the company of my new "team" but still, at the back of my mind and heart, i was longing for p2keith.

during lunch time, i met some of the TDPers at NorthPark in Glorietta 3. i wanted to stay badly but i have to go after 30 minutes of chatting with jet, mati and leonor because my lunch break was over. on my way back to the office, i had a chance to talk to the cab driver and share some insights about how hard it is driving around Makati area especially at rush hours and about the fact that i still don't have a stable romantic relationship. he was asking me "what is my ideal guy?" and when i was about to blurt the things i enumerated months ago, i held back. i simply said, "im not looking for it, Manong and it's not my priority right now to look for one." after exchaging thoughts with the him, i handed the money and run back to the building...

finally, we were sent home after 3 hours of learning how to pronounce words, blend them and put intonation to the statements. i headed directly to Alabang with Louise(my new -found friend) and planned to stay with my team before going to Medicard in the next 5 hours..

im tired...i feel simply happy, im at peace, im pro-active...i love life! i dont know how Eric(my new trainer did) but he is giving me some hope to "believe" in myself and, is bringing back the happy heart i was once had...

need to sleep, until then..

we love you, ice

Happy Birthday sis!

i know that you are in Cebu right now and having one of the finest vacation in your life, i wish i can hug you on your 18th birthday and wish you all the blessings in life. but like was what you told me last night, you are perhaps enjoying your stay there. maybe, i should wish otherwise, that i could have been there. instead, all i can do is greet you on the phone, talked to you and send you a text message just before my shift..

12:08:01 AM (from me)

Happy 18th bday sis..mis u so much, u know dat i love u very much. stay gud and be happy.mwah

12:09:20 AM (from her)

Tnx sbra!! lhuv dn nman kta eh..kau nla kuya nd joan. kya lang lm u nmn n d me showy..yngat kau lagi jan! lalo na ikaw evrytym ppsok k sa work mo.miz na miz ko na kau!

Birthday Song

by Don McLean

If I could say the things I feel, it wouldn't be the same
Some things are not spoken of, some things have no name
And though the words come hard to me, I'll say them just for you
For this is something rare for me this feeling is so new

You see I love the way you love me
Love the way you smile at me,
I love the way we live this life we're in

Long ago I heard the song that lovers sing to me
And through the days with each new phrase I hummed that melody
And all along I loved the song but I never learned it through
But since the day you came along, I've saved it just for you

You see I love the way you love me
Love the way you smile at me,
I love the way we live this life we're in

I don't believe in magic but I do believe in you
And when you say you believe in me
There's so much magic I can do

Now you see me now you don't watch me dive below
Deep down in your love lake where the sweet fish come and go
And I might sink and I might drown but death don't mean a thing
'Cause life continues right or wrong when I play this birthday song
I learned from you, and you can't even sing.

fully booked

Sunday - the whole barkada went to Jayson's house and ate dinner with half of the visitors on his father's birthday bash.we also went online and chatted with Cathy after we took some drink. and when JC needed to get back home, everyone of us, including Jayson, went to their place and continued the drinking session while throwing questions at each other, "what do you love most about our barkada?".

Monday - i stayed with Jan's place and managed to somehow listened to her stories about the latest adventures. we're getting closer and see to it that we were there for each other everytime one needed the other. and guess what? i spent the rest of my day sleeping instead of getting Mom and Ice at the airport and watching video when dusk came instead of going to work.

Tuesday - met Tel and Ria at Foodpark in Enterprise. it was nice to talk about the old college days and updated each other about work. we were in the same organization back in college, used to share the same room at Tita Lumeng's bording house and currently working on the same company. but because we were assigned in different accounts and locations, it was like a reunion for the three of us. after 3 in the afternoon, me and Tel headed at Banco de Oro's building for an interview and met Mai at Glorietta after.

Wednesday - i woke up past 12...when Tel and I had a meeting in Ortigas at 1 in the afternoon. we were able to adjust the meeting and made it at 3pm, met at National Bookstore, headed towards Viventis' office and handed the resume to the reception. we were told to wait for a call since the managers were on the meeting. so tel and I decided to take a cab going to Tiendesitas and bought some clothes. we also met Cathet in Greenhills and took our dinner at Contis. and since it was still early, we took another cab going to Metrowalk and spent 3 hours chatting - about College life, TLB, boys, work and life - while eating at Iceberg's. i went home after I dropped Cathet at her place, it was past midnight then.

Thursday - as usual, stayed late in bed..went online for 2 hours and went swimming with my cousins. it was Ryan's and Karen's graduation party at a private resort just a mile from our home. although i arrived late, i was able to enjoy the company of the whole clan and some friends.

Friday - i finally went to the office and submitted my resignation letter to Keith. after work, we went to Festival Mall and brought Keith to the clinic since he needed some X-ray examination for his right hand while Ritchie and I went to Makati and met Ruthie, one of the agents at Tele-Resourcing. after Rich dropped me along Ayala Avenue, i bought earpiece for my celphone went home directly.

Saturday - got a missed call from mark and a text message asking me where I was, i send a reply and asked him why he was looking for me. he told me that we will be having the overnight swimming at that day - let's talk about 8 hours notice here. so i called everyone and asked for their schedules and planned right away. i was getting pissed off at first but then managed to get back to business and went to mall with Grace and had grocery. while im preparing the food assigned to me at around six in the evening, Jan came followed by Jc and Kat. we decided to meet at my place and wait for Mark and his girlfriend. we arrived at the resort past 9 in the evening, checked in the room and ate our dinner. Kat, Jan and I went to the KTV bar just beside the pool while JC and Ryan went to the town and fetched Jayson and went swimming right after they arrived. it was a night full of laughter and fun..

Sunday - we left the resort barely eight in the morning. Mark, Nancy, Jc and Kat dropped me off my place stayed for a while. we were looking over old pictures from higschool and making fun of our highscool annual. we looked back on highschool days with Kat(JC's gf since college) and Nancy(Mark's gf from work) listening to our funny stories. i managed to take a good sleep after Jc and Kat went home. it was past three when I woke up and learned that Mark and Nancy headed home while I was sleeping. again, i was home alone - turned on the television, ate my late lunch and took a shower - then went to a film showing organized by the church and helped for a while before going to work.

hanggang dito na lang

Ano nga ba ang papel mo sa buhay ko?
Dumating ka, binihag ang aliw at lungkot
Kasama ko sa lahat ng pagkakataong ako'y bigo
Pumawi ng lahat ng aking pagkabato at pagkabagnot.

Walang magawa, ako ay napabuntong-hininga
Tanong sa sarili, hanggang kailan ka makakasama?
Ngayon sasabihin, matagal na kitang gustong iwan
Siguro alam mo na rin kung ano ang dahilan.

Kagaya ka rin ng iba, maglalaho, mawawala..
Pagkatapos ng sandaling ligaya, nasan ka na?
Pagkatapos ng panandaliang pag-aaliw mo
Saan na ngayon pupulutin ang sugatan kong puso?

Di ko ng alam kung bakit hinanap pa kita
Sabi nila, wag ko na lang daw naisin at subukan
Sapagkat kapahamakan lang ang iyong dinadala
Hindi lang sa aking kalusugan, pati na rin sa katinuan.

Paano ko tatapusin? Paano kita nakilala?
Ang alam ko lang, kailangan ko nang lumisan
Palayo sa mga usok mo at pinagsaluhang alaala
Palayo sa kahapong minsan nakapiling ka.

Paalam na..mahal kong Winston lights..

***i composed this sometime last year..

i hope it's really April Fool's Day

last tuesday i went to an interview with a promising position. i already talked to keith and finally resigned.

i don't know what to write exactly. at first, i thought im gonna write about good stuffs, like JC finally got here last Tuesday from New Jersey (although he is staying for 3 weeks only so we planned right away in going to Puerto Galera), got the computer finally working right, and the great results I had with the exam and interview with a new company and finally moving out of here (im actually at work right now but I am able to write because it's idle time, which do not happen normally).

but I cannot rejoice for the fact that about 30 minutes ago, i learned that my grandfather passed away. i wanted to go to Cebu but that would be far from possible right now becasue I wouldn't have the means to. i cannot asked my mom, its too much because after April 16, i wouldn't have a work anymore. on the other hand, i would start in Makati in April 17 but i guess i have to wait for the results of my application with the position i've been dreaming of.

honestly, im sad. i don't wanna leave my team but Keith is moving in Cebu as well as the others in another company too. there is no reason for me to stay here, no motivation. i always loved the team, p2keith. my calls and my day would never be the same without them, i found true friends and enjoyed everytime i literally spent with them. i've been sending text messages to Tin, Juni and Lauren opening up the fact that it realy hurts. but i guess, that's what life is; just what like Tin wrote in her text message, "alam mo napaisip din ako eh..its kinda scary to separating from the people u've leanred to like. most relationships, even friendship needs constants and proximity..something we get from working together..im sure when we resign, we'll find very little need to keep in touch."

if my heart would stop beating, i guess it wouldn't hurt so much...